- A rabbit’s foot brings good luck. Carrying around an amputated animal part as a keychain brings nothing besides some soft furry comfort in your left pant pocket. Or a slight indecent bump near your crotch which might or might not be confused for a boner.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Only a threat of a medical malpractice case keeps the D R s away.
- If a black cat crosses your path you will have bad luck. I have a black cat. And it’s only given me good luck. With the ladies.
- Step on a crack, break your mother’s back. I’ve stepped on every sort of crack. Sidewalk cracks, freeway cracks, bathroom tile cracks, even butt cracks and my mother does not suffer from a single form of acute back pain.
- You can break a bad luck spell by turning seven times in a clockwise circle. I am not sure if any dispelling of bad luck occurs but I do know that I develop a sharp pain in my head from first figuring out which way is clockwise and then turning in that direction seven times.
- Garlic protects from evil spirits and vampires. Only way I can comprehend how a vegetable can protect you from vampires is if they suffer intense allergic reactions to bad breathe. Besides that I don’t see how they could be defeated by anything or anyone other than Buffy.
- If you blow out all of the candles on your birthday cake with the first breath you will get whatever you wish for. I’ve done this on many occasions and it has yet yielded me date with Mila Kunis.
- A cat has nine lives. If they had nine lives why do I do I see cat caresses scattered all around my neighborhood?
- Eating fish makes you smart. Because fish are not smart? Is there some strange inverse rule where eating a stupid animals makes a smarter animal smarter?
- To refuse a kiss under mistletoe causes bad luck. It’d be horrible luck if the person you end up kissing to avoid bad luck has herpes.
Tags: butt crack, cat, miseltoe, superstition
