1. A rabbit’s foot brings good luck. Carrying around an amputated animal part as a keychain brings nothing besides some soft furry comfort in your left pant pocket. Or a slight indecent bump near your crotch which might or might not be confused for a boner.              
2. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Only a threat of a medical malpractice case keeps the D R s away.
3. If a black cat crosses your path you will have bad luck. I have a black cat. And it’s only given me good luck. With the ladies.                   
4. Step on a crack, break your mother’s back. I’ve stepped on every sort of crack. Sidewalk cracks, freeway cracks, bathroom tile cracks, even butt cracks and my mother does not suffer from a single form of acute back pain.                                               
5. You can break a bad luck spell by turning seven times in a clockwise circle. I am not sure if any dispelling of bad luck occurs but I do know that I develop a sharp pain in my head from first figuring out which way is clockwise and then turning in that direction seven times.
6. Garlic protects from evil spirits and vampires. Only way I can comprehend how a vegetable can protect you from vampires is if they suffer intense allergic reactions to bad breathe. Besides that I don’t see how they could be defeated by anything or anyone other than Buffy.
7. If you blow out all of the candles on your birthday cake with the first breath you will get whatever you wish for. I’ve done this on many occasions and it has yet yielded me date with Mila Kunis.
8. A cat has nine lives. If they had nine lives why do I do I see cat caresses scattered all around my neighborhood?                                                              
9. Eating fish makes you smart. Because fish are not smart? Is there some strange inverse rule where eating a stupid animals makes a smarter animal smarter?
10. To refuse a kiss under mistletoe causes bad luck. It’d be horrible luck if the person you end up kissing to avoid bad luck has herpes.  

1. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

2. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

3. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

4. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

5. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

6. There is no such thing as a lesbian, there are just girls who have never met Chuck Norris.

7. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

8. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack, his heart lost.

9. There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

10. Chuck Noris believes it’s not butter.

11. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

12. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

13. The reason Michael Phelps can swim so fast is because he’s one of Chuck Norris’ sperm cells.

14. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

15. Chuck Norris’ sperm once came into contact with a semi-truck, we now know this semi as OPTIMUS PRIME!

16. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

]]> http://thetoplistsite.wordpress.com/2008/09/05/top-fifteen-chuck-norris-fact/feed/ 0 thetoplistsite chuck-norris http://thetoplistsite.wordpress.com/2008/09/02/top-twelve-ways-to-make-your-parents-believe-that-you%e2%80%99re-still-a-virgin/ http://thetoplistsite.wordpress.com/2008/09/02/top-twelve-ways-to-make-your-parents-believe-that-you%e2%80%99re-still-a-virgin/#comments Tue, 02 Sep 2008 21:36:10 +0000 thetoplistsite http://thetoplistsite.wordpress.com/?p=80 ]]>

1. Wear Tight Whities /Granny Panties                                                                                                                                                                
2. Always reassure them that you’re their “little girl/boy” 
3. If they find your condoms tell them that they’re just banana covers. You just like to keep your banana’s well lubricated for easy peeling.                      
4. Listen to Christian Rock
5. Make it known that you like going to Church to play with your Pastor. (unless he’s a pedophile)                            
6. Masturbation is a telltale sign that you’re not getting any. So a wastebin full of tissues is a good indicator to many parents that you’re not soiled.         
7. Make your desktop background a picture of Pope rather than an Abercombrie ad. Abercombrie stinks of sex.                                                                                                          
8. Renovate your DVD collection. Throw away all those American Pies, Girl Next Doors, Eurotrips, Road Trips and replace it with more child friendly films such as such High School Musical, or maybe even a Miley Cryus Flick. Wait. Never mind I just remembered Vanessa Hudgin’s nakey pictures hehehe…and Miley Cyrus’s half nakey pictures. Well I guess just get Disney animated films.
9. Make your sexuality questionable. When your parents are worried whether or not you’re straight they’ll careless if you’ve had sex or not. In the end in most cases knowing that you boinked a person of the opposite sex would be a reason for celebration.                                                                            
10. Tell your parents you’re vegan. That throws people off. Some parents associate the complete lack of meat in a diet metaphorically.                        
11. Buy a chastity belt and wear it.  
12. Get a promise ring to god.                                                                                

It snaps its claws and fires a bubble with such force that the air inside the bubble is heated to the temperature of the sun.

It’s the gangsta of the sea. It will pop a cap in yo head.  Holla.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKPrGxB1Kzc

9. Leafy Seadragon

It looks like someone hawked a loogie in the ocean.

And even more disgusting is that the female lays her eggs on the tail of the male, and that is where they reside until the leafy sea dragons reach maturity.

8. Narwhal

A mix between a sperm whale and a unicorn… created the gayest animal in the sea.

7. Gila Monster

Looks like an aborted tiger fetus.

6.Sharkray

Half shark, half stingray.  It lives in the filthy  depths of the ocean, sucking for a living

5. Frill Shark

Evolution failed this guy.

4. Hoatzin

Flipping the Bird.

3. Vampire Squid

It squirts blood. It’s like it is constantly on its period.

2. Fossa

It’s basically an evil giant squirrel.

1. Honey Pot Replete Ants

These ants are gorged with food by other worker ants to the point that their abdomens swell to the size of grapes. They then hang from the ceiling and provide nutrients to the colony.

These are the kind of animals that should be locked up in the animal kingdom’s mental institute. Sick bastards.

For 17 days the world has been transfixed with the Olympics. Everyone tuned in to see the greatest display of competition and sportsmanship…okay who am I kidding most people watched the Olympics to see Michael Phelps. Women drool over his body, but let’s be real he is a total butterface. Phelps however is not the only Olympic athlete with a hott bod, but not so hott face.

8. Katie Hoff

When my brother saw her on the T.V. he asked if I was watching the Special Olympics. She’s not fugly, but she’s not exactly beauty queen status either.

7. Fabio Magalhaes

His name alone qualifies him for this list, Fabio? Seriously? He is a beach volleyball player so he has the cut arms and legs, but that smile needs some work. You could drive a car through that gap in his teeth.

6. Margaret Hoelzer

Something about this girl just doesn’t sit right with me…oh wait maybe it’s that huge nose on her noggin that’s buggin me. I’ve also decided that swim caps don’t help anything either.

5. Matthew Helm

Ok so here we have a diver from Australia, hott accent, hott diver body, hott face? I DON’T THINK SO! Do they have leprechauns in Australia? Where’s the pot ‘o Gold?

4. David Walters

This guy looks like he’s spent way too much time in the pool. Look at what chlorine has done to his face! I don’t even know what else to say about it.

3. Alain Bernard

OMG look at those abs in the picture on the right…to die for! But if I stare at his face to long I get queasy. If he swam up to me in the pool I would think that its jaws coming after me. “Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun…Everyone out of the pool!”

2. Amanda Beard

Amanda beard, now here is an Olympic athlete with a hott bod. She’s posed for many ads and magazines, but has anyone looked at her face? She may be trying to look sexy, but she is failing miserably. The two pics above are just two of the many where she straight up looks like a drag queen. It may as well be Patrick Swayze’s face from To Wong foo…

1. Michael Phelps

Does anything need to be said about Michael Phelps’ body? I think not…but hmmm his smile not so appetizing. I wouldn’t want to listen to him talk either. Sadly this is definitely a time where you would have to keep your eyes below the shoulders.

10. Voluptuous – (adj): having strong sexual appeal

I’d really like to take a bite out of her voluptuous thighs.

9. Throbbing – (adj): beating with increased force or rapidity, as the heart under the influence of emotion or excitement; palpitate.

Yeah! Touch my throbbing thumb you dirty girl you! Ouch

8. Trembling – (adj): to shake involuntarily with quick, short movements, as from fear, excitement, weakness, or cold; quake; quiver.

This is a very unsexy representation of trembling

7. Glistening – (adj): A sparkling, lustrous shine.

Bling Bling!

6. Loin – (n.): Usually, loins. the part or parts of the human body or of a quadruped animal on either side of the spinal column, between the false ribs and hipbone.

My thoughts exactly

5. Succulent – (adj.): full of juice; juicy.

Who knew they were actually flowers??

4. Moist – (adj.): moderately or slightly wet; damp.

Oooh lemon! Yum!

3. Tender – (adj.): soft or delicate in substance; not hard or tough: a tender steak.

Mmm tender!

2. Supple – (adj.): bending readily without breaking or becoming deformed; pliant; flexible: a supple bough.

Ooh inverted nipples… HAWT!!!

1.Slippery – (adj.): an act or gesture expressing affection, as an embrace or kiss, esp. a light stroking or touching.

Definitely slippery when wet.

0.5 Wet – (adj.): moistened, covered, or soaked with water or some other liquid: wet hands.

Ew.